It’s been a strange week here, a kinda snakes n ladders week, Some climbs and some slips, ending on a beautiful blue square. I am in love with this day already.
I started the week on a massive high, considering a workshop or studio, away from the house, somewhere I could go to be creative. You know when you start wanting something, you see it everywhere? Things start shifting about in unexpected turns and twists. Life breathes into your thoughts, manifesting them in different ways for your consideration.
I’ve been feeling rather frustrated of late regarding boundaries with my family. Eager to stamp out a space for myself and coming to terms with the realization of just how much space I need on my own. I am not at ease with the notion of packing my creativity back into the Lidls bag for life when school’s out – ppffft bag for LIFE more like bag of SLOW DEATH! Trying to explain to my dearests that this is not how creativity works, that you have to dig in, drop down, it needs space and time to expand from where it rests without the threat of having to tidy away.
Then loads of stuff has started breaking and needing attention/money. The washing machine blew up, the clutch has gone on the van, the telephone sounds like the Rice Crispy Man has come to stay with all his Snap Crackle and Popping on the line. No-one can call in or out.
One of my children is on emotional roller coaster of Teenage, there have been a lot of tears. Figuring out school options, making hormone-enriched choices, unraveling what’s working and what’s not. It’s pretty intense and powerful beyond measure.
Yesterday, due to the clutch demise – I had to miss a sea swim which I was completely aching for, then a whole bunch of other meetings that were both juicy and delicious had to be cancelled. I spent most of the day feeling Pissed.
Simultaneously I have begun listening to ‘The Universe has your Back’ by Gabrielle Bernstein. Reminding me that I am ready for everything that is showing up right now and that I have the tools to find the answers. Closing that chapter if I don’t feel ready is a real choice.
Nature is always my go-to and yesterday was a total beauty of a day – wasn’t it? I’ve encountered a new relationship with an Oak tree in one of our fields and have been drawn to sitting underneath. I lit a fire near it the other day and yesterday just sat nestled in the bank right up close.
Looking up through the branches, the sky was blue and had such clarity. Everything was grounded and at ease. There was a real warmth in the sun as it penetrated my skin. The birds singing their mating calls and feeling the surge of Springs energy bubbling beneath me.
Finding new solutions..
I’m not a rule breaker as such, but I do love a creative solution. Finding that a square feels much better if it has one-rounded corner or a wobbly edge – wonky and quirky serve me greatly. As does tweaking things until they’re just right.
So, I’ve taken a little swerve and turned my desk back into the creative space it was intended for, adding a small table to its side to accommodate my computer. Quietly awaiting my time until the playroom weans its way entirely into my studio…. Already feeling lighter and fee-er and looking forward to setting up my sewing machine and ‘stuff’. I have projects and new product ideas… I am on it. Be gone you Lidls bag of containment.
Whilst still holding a space for a shared studio, we shall see what manifests. Part of my boundary setting is actually just plain physical and in truth, with the backdoor wide open, home does feel Creative. Sitting on the bench in the sunshine, crocheting, is blissful.
Being a mum is a beautiful thing. As my kids get older they obviously need different things, which in turn moves me on in my own journey. It’s an elaborate and sophisticated dance of response; which I am dancing mostly wearing metaphorical flippers on dry land. Winging it always but willing to roll my sleeves up and dig into their development. This is a true blessing.
My frustration arises from my hunger for life’s adventures but when I stop for a while I realize that the adventures are right beneath my nose and this is where my work is.
As always it comes to balance, boundaries and beauty.
Have a great weekend Beautiful people x
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